I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently you make a good broom.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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