she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
