i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
