It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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