So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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