I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So much rum. So many feels.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
