your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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