I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
