by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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