how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
