I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
