genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
