Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
