it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
