So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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