I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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