Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
