I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
