Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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