I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
