I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
