Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
