Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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