It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
