I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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