i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
