I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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