i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
