there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sorry about my life...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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