My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have already put on my inside pants.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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