Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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