dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
