Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
