I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
