Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize