Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
