its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
