My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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