you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
