Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
