That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
