she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
