Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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