Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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