this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
