My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
