In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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