I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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