hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
