i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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