Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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