I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
