I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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