I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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