Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
