then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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