you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
