I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
