I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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