you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
