im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
