As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
