the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
