So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
