hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
