Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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